Jesus kidnapped by student

Here's the story: Webster Cook, a student at UCF, went to the Catholic Sunday service at church. He was given a communion waffer, or Eucharist, but did not eat it. He spat it out and left the church with it. Now the favorite church of pedos, the Catholic Church, is not pleased. They are treating this as a kidnapping.

"It is hurtful," said Father Migeul Gonzalez with the Diocese. "Imagine if they kidnapped somebody and you make a plea for that individual to please return that loved one to the family."

You see, for Catholics transubstantiation is not symbolism. When they say the cracker becomes the flesh of Jesus, they really mean it! They are eating the flesh of Jesus and drinking his blood. This magic would be crazy enough, but the cannibalism? BLERGH!

Anyway, student Cook eventually had to return the cracker because his life was threatened. Yeah, you read that right, death threats over a fucking cracker! He didn't even steal the cookie. They gave it to him and he chose not to eat it. Do church crackers come with a DRM? Had he eaten the stupid cracker, he would have pooped it. Remember when the Muslims got their panties in a twist like a Catholic school girl over Mohammed cartoons? People said, at least 'our' fundies are not THAT crazy. OUR fundies want to kill someone because -not because he stole it; he didn't- he didn't handle a cookie in the proper manner.

I almost feel like I should steal some church crackers too. Which is what PZ Myers wants to do.

Can anyone out there score me some consecrated communion wafers? There's no way I can personally get them — my local churches have stakes prepared for me, I'm sure — but if any of you would be willing to do what it takes to get me some, or even one, and mail it to me, I'll show you sacrilege, gladly, and with much fanfare. I won't be tempted to hold it hostage (no, not even if I have a choice between returning the Eucharist and watching Bill Donohue kick the pope in the balls, which would apparently be a more humane act than desecrating a goddamned cracker), but will instead treat it with profound disrespect and heinous cracker abuse, all photographed and presented here on the web. I shall do so joyfully and with laughter in my heart. If you can smuggle some out from under the armed guards and grim nuns hovering over your local communion ceremony, just write to me and I'll send you my home address.

Catholics... your pope was a Nazi and you're worried about a cracker?